


things best left unsaid

by esmeraldablazingsky



Category: Naruto
Genre: Deserts, Emotions, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I AM SORRY, Kankuro being rly upset, Kankurou-Centric, Sand Siblings-centric, Sibling Bonding, he's alive tho don't worry, post-Gaara dying, sand siblings - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-07
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-11-10 05:26:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11120829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/esmeraldablazingsky/pseuds/esmeraldablazingsky
Summary: Kankurō can't get it out of his head that he's responsible for his brother's death. Luckily, the only one blaming him for what happened is himself.





	things best left unsaid

"How are you?" asks Gaara once the team from Konoha disappears over the horizon. His voice is too soft for such a moment and the festering guilt inside Kankurō's chest flares all of a sudden. It's not the right time for this, he knows, but there's so much that happened and he can't help but take it all on his own shoulders, no matter how wrong it might be. He was okay a second ago, but the stress and adrenaline from the last few days is fading away and leaving a harsh shell of bitterness in its wake. 

"I'm fine," snaps Kankurō. "This isn't about me." Gaara's expression shutters closed and Kankurō's heart clenches a little bit but he's still so full of anger and it's all he can do to keep it from pouring from his edges. He's furious, furious with himself for not being able to save one of the only people that he really, truly cares for, and it's tearing him up from the inside. Kankurō grits his teeth and tries not to lash out at Gaara, the one person he never wants to cause pain. 

"I'm-" starts Gaara. 

"I said I'm fine," hisses Kankurō. To anyone else, Gaara's eyes would seem expressionless, but Kankurō can see the hurt there and it's like a punch in the gut to know that he's the reason for it. 

"I'm gonna," says Kankurō, waving his hand in a vague gesture. "I've gotta, um." He turns and leaves before he can do any more damage, but he can still feel Gaara's gaze searing into him as he starts to walk away. Kankurō's fury is starting to mutate and change into a bitter, poisonous mix of guilt and regret and he wants to turn around and apologize but something nasty in his heart makes him keep walking, even though every step he takes away from Gaara feels like something burning through his ribs. Gaara is still staring at him with that look on his face, the one that means he's confused and scared and hurt, and Kankurō runs. He can't keep everything inside him for any longer but he doesn't want to dump it all on Gaara, and so he blocks out his brother's stricken expression and his own racing thoughts and just runs. It doesn't matter where he's going, as long as Gaara doesn't see him shatter into a million pieces of molten glass. 

Kankurō stumbles to his knees in the desert once he's out of earshot of the village- the sand is burning and the sun is unbearably hot and everything is just too bright too loud too quiet too much. 

There's so much sand and it reminds him of Gaara and no matter how much he tries Kankurō can't get his brother's face out of his head. His ankles and palms are burning where they're pressed against the ground and it hurts but Kankurō feels like if it stops hurting then he'll fly apart like nothing in the breeze. He's never felt like this before, like he's screaming silently and he hates himself and he's dying in some visceral way deep inside, but then again he's never let his brother die, he's never been so hopeless, so beaten. Gaara is alive and okay and Kankurō knows he shouldn't be falling to pieces like this but it's hard to listen to reason when all he can see is the clay bird that he couldn't stop, disappearing into the distance with Gaara unconscious in its grasp. Gaara, who brought himself up from a symbol of terror to the protector of a village even when it seemed there was no hope- Gaara, who used the last of his strength to save the people who once feared and hated him. 

Gaara, who followed Kankurō into the desert and is now standing between him and the glare of the afternoon sun. Kankurō stares unseeingly at Gaara's sandals and tries not to let everything overwhelm him, but it's like trying to stop the tide or the sun from rising. 

"Is this why," says Gaara. His voice is steady and soft and quiet as the windless desert, but there's a note of sadness that Kankurō knows all too well. 

"Why what?" asks Kankurō. There's a waver in his speech that he can't hide, and he knows it's all too obvious to someone as perceptive as Gaara. 

"Is this why you ran," clarifies Gaara. "What... what are you feeling?" Kankurō takes a deep breath and tries to master his emotions enough to explain them. 

"It's my fault," he says. The desert holds its breath around him, waiting. "I went after them when I didn't stand a chance. Baki told me to wait but I-"  
Kankurō's voice breaks and Gaara stays quiet, patient, allowing him time to collect his fragmented thoughts. 

"I'm sorry," he finishes. "I wasn't strong enough to save you, and I- and you died because of it." 

"I fail to understand how that's your fault," says Gaara. "It was an unlucky stroke for you to be matched against Sasori, and even so, you helped lead us to their hideout. I am only alive right now because of your sacrifice." Coming from anyone else, the reassurance would feel forced, but Gaara doesn't say things he doesn't mean. 

Kankurō is suddenly very, very aware of the sand and sun burning at every inch of exposed skin, and of the fact that he's on his hands and knees at his younger brother's feet, and a wave of shame crashes through him like the beginning of a violent sandstorm. 

"There is nothing wrong with being upset," says Gaara like he can read Kankurō's thoughts. 

"You're the one who died," snaps Kankurō. Gaara shrugs. 

"You were close," he points out. "Temari was afraid that she would lose both of us in a matter of days. She's been troubled recently as well, but she talks to people." There's an unspoken reprimand in his words- Temari talks to people but Kankurō keeps everything bottled up behind purple face paint and the black garb of a puppeteer. 

"Baki says you tried to strangle someone," continues Gaara. He lets out a breath that might once have been a laugh, had the world been kinder to him. 

"He said things about you," says Kankurō. "Everything that you've worked so hard to build... the stuff he said made it feel like we were back to square one, you know?" Gaara nods and sits down next to Kankurō, staring at the distant line of the horizon and lacing his fingers together in his lap. 

"Do you think they will ever fully trust me?" Gaara asks finally. 

Kankurō thinks about it for a moment, then says "they'd be idiots not to." Gaara gives him a questioning glance, and Kankurō takes a breath before continuing. 

"Listen," says Kankurō, "you're someone who's willing to give up their life for the village, and if it really came down to it, I don't think most of the others would. Hell, a few years ago, I wouldn't have done it, but then..." He looks at Gaara and sees the reason he's sure he'd give his life for Suna now- he looks at him and sees someone who turned everything around through determination and force of will. Kankurō doesn't feel like he's dying anymore and he knows it's because Gaara pulled him back from wherever he was- Gaara is the sort of person who knows the darkness far too well, and he's the sort of person who won't let anyone else drown the way he did, once upon a time. 

"Hm," says Gaara. He doesn't elaborate, but he smiles a little bit, and it warms Kankurō's heart. 

"Hey, you two," says a voice from somewhere nearby, and Temari flops down in the sand next to her brothers. Her hair glows in the sun, and her eyes are the color of the desert sky, and all Kankurō can think about is how lucky they all are to have each other, even after all that had happened. They are unconditional and unpredictable and most of all unbreakable, and if one of them starts to fall, the other two will pick them back up no matter what. 

"You both scared me back there," says Temari, reaching out to shove Kankurō lightly. "Don't ever go and die again, okay? That goes for both of you." 

"I'll try," says Gaara, "but I can't promise that." 

"Hm, well, fair enough," concedes Temari. "But Kankurō-"

"I'm not dying and I'm not letting Gaara die," says Kankurō before Temari can finish. Gaara promised himself that he'd protect the village, and now it's Kankurō's turn to set a goal and never, ever let it go. Temari nods approvingly and adds one of her own. 

"You two are my responsibility," she says. There's none of the usual biting sarcasm coloring her tone, and Kankurō stays quiet as she speaks. 

"I've really got to do a better job of being the older sister," she says with a soft huff of a laugh. "So, uh, neither of you little shits are dying on my watch, okay?"

None of the three of them are that great with emotions, generally speaking- Gaara keeps his locked under a cool-eyed façade of sand and wind, Kankurō can't take things seriously sometimes, and anything but an insult sounds wrong coming out of Temari's mouth- but they've known each other long enough and deeply enough to take the smallest signs for what they are. They never say they love each other but then again, they don't need to- it's always there, always true. It's a constant among the shifting sands and otherworldly horrors of the vicious desert outside their walls, and somehow, this one soft thing that they have makes everything else brighter, better, more hopeful. 

The anger and guilt and awfulness from before is nothing more than a scrap of a memory lost in the breeze, now, and Kankurō will never stop marveling at how fast things always seem to turn themselves around. Nobody says anything as the siblings watch the light turn orange, then red, then start to fade altogether, but they can all feel the stress of the past few days start to melt as the stars wink into being, one by one by one. 

They've survived so much together, demons and humans and their own minds. Somehow, they've walked through hell and ended up in a pool of sand and starlight, washed clean by a desert wind. There are so many unspoken truths between them, but they aren't the heavy shadows of ancient secrets or the poisonous fog of internal hatred- rather, they are all the reassurances and the kind words and the declarations and confirmations of love that never got said, and that never needed to be exposed to open air. 

So nobody says a word as the desert shifts and breathes around them- they don't need to, and they never have. 

 

~end~

**Author's Note:**

> comments fill me with overwhelming power (and thanks for reading <3)


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